Fathers Seeking Custody

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THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

By Douglas C McKee

This is the beginning of the holidays and children begin to get excited about the changing of the weather and all the fun things that come along with fall. This is such an important part of the year for children as Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas requires us to gather together with friends and family. Divorce and separation can put a strain on these family functions but it is important to put aside all personal differences and allow our children to enjoy the seasons festivities.

If you have been separated and have a new place of your own that the children can come and visit, it is important to keep your place up with the latest holiday decor. It seems like such a simple thing but it can help the children adjust knowing that everyone is participating in these festivities at the same time. Take the time to carve another pumpkin at your house with the children during Halloween. This will create a positive memory for everyone and will show them that they can count on you for these simple holiday traditions; this also provides for greater stability knowing that you took the time to do something special with them. The same thing applies with Thanksgiving and Christmas…there is nothing wrong with planning a Thanksgiving feast at your house as well…and having a Christmas tree at Christmas time. Taking the children to go pick out a tree with you and decorate it will also sew together the holidays for children.

No matter what age your children are it is important for them to see that you want to participate in the holidays with them. Obviously, it would be ideal if you can attend holiday functions with the entire family but this is not always realistic. You should, however, make every effort to put aside your differences with your ex and make the attempt.

Take some time in the next week or so to discuss the holiday visitation schedule with your ex. Make some definite plans for each of the holidays because before you know it they will be upon us and as you know, this time of year can be very hectic. Don’t wait until the last minute because this only adds to the confusion. Discuss what days you would like to have them and be flexible because everybody wants the children on these special days. Don’t forget that there may be extended family on both sides that will want to see the children as well. Don’t be selfish about this…remember that it is important for the children to see everyone… make it a point to bring this up with your ex and show your willingness to share the children with the entire family. Your children will benefit from the two of you cooperating with this.

Remember to put your children first. Their stability is so very important. By working together with your ex during this time of year you can create some great memories for the children that will last a lifetime.

Be strong, be loyal and be positive.

Doug

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"EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY"

By Douglas C McKee

Take a moment and think about all the events that lead to your separation. No doubt they can uncover some very emotional times and possibly some not so pleasant memories. How do these events make you feel? What do they do to your attitude, your ability to think and your overall demeanor?

I want you to ponder on how these events truly effect you...and really study what they do to you...the reason for this is that these events have the same effect on your children. Even if these events have been hidden from your children their repercussions will be felt for years to come if you are not careful.

Once you have become familiar with how you react to these unpleasant memories you will gain some insight on how to control the negative responses that they produce. I can not stress how important it is for your children to observe that you are a strong, in control person. If both parents are exhibiting unstable behavior the children will begin to loose confidence that "everything will be okay".

When you feel the negative feelings and pressures of your divorce or separation begin to take control of your thinking, you need to take a moment and focus on what is most important...your children and their best interests. They don't need to see you angry with their mom. They don't need to hear you yelling or saying unfavorable things to her or about her. They don't need to see you kicking or punching walls or throwing things in anger...they need to see a strong, lovable, caring dad that they can count on.

Now is the time for them to have as much stability as possible; this transition is going to be difficult enough without compounding it with unexpected behavior. You need to be the person that they can count on and show them that "everything will be okay". No doubt you have used these words with your children and now is the time to prove it.

Your divorce will not last forever, I promise. It may take only a month or two or it may go on for years...but it WILL end and there WILL be a decision on custody. What you need to do is to take each day as it comes and give the very best part of yourself to your children so that when the court is making its final decision you can feel confident that you have done everything possible for your children...and you will have no regrets

Stay focused on what is important...give your children everything that they deserve and more. Spend quality time with them. Create good memories with them. If you do this they will know that "everything will be okay"

Be strong, be loyal and be positive.

Doug