Look into your children’s eyes and see what they are feeling. Looking into your children’s eyes can give you clues as to what may be going on inside their little hearts. When they look at you do you see joy in their eyes? Do you see sadness? Do you see confusion or fear? Their eyes are the windows to their soles.

Try changing the way that you act around them and see how their eyes reflect the difference. Take a moment to sit and listen to them and see the change in how they look at you. Hold them in your arms and let them know that they are the most important thing in the world to you and watch the change begin to take effect.

Being a positive influence in your children’s lives goes so far beyond just picking them up once in a while and doing something fun with them. If you want a strong and secure relationship with them then you have to build a solid foundation and continue to add to it. Making sure that you are available to them is important for them and shows them that they can turn to you when they need you. Being available to them is the first step in building that foundation.

I can not stress enough how important it is for you to make yourself available for doctors visits, dentist visits, parent/teacher conferences, school plays, you name it. Your children will come to know you as more than a part time parent and you will be setting a good example for them by splitting duties and or participating in these activities with mom…it is important for them to see that you both can come together when it comes to their well being. This also relieves some of the pressure that mom may be feeling, making the atmosphere around mom more relaxed. This gives her an opportunity to take care of herself and her needs making her a better person for the children.

Remember that it is the responsibility of both parents to ensure that they are the best that they can be for the good of the children.

Look into their eyes and see what they may need. Adjust your availability, emotionally and physically and see the change in the way that they behold you and watch your relationship blossom into an unbreakable bond.

Be strong, be loyal and be positive.

Doug

This is the beginning of the holidays and children begin to get excited about the changing of the weather and all the fun things that come along with fall. This is such an important part of the year for children as Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas requires us to gather together with friends and family. Divorce and separation can put a strain on these family functions but it is important to put aside all personal differences and allow our children to enjoy the seasons festivities.

If you have been separated and have a new place of your own that the children can come and visit, it is important to keep your place up with the latest holiday decor. It seems like such a simple thing but it can help the children adjust knowing that everyone is participating in these festivities at the same time. Take the time to carve another pumpkin at your house with the children during Halloween. This will create a positive memory for everyone and will show them that they can count on you for these simple holiday traditions; this also provides for greater stability knowing that you took the time to do something special with them. The same thing applies with Thanksgiving and Christmas…there is nothing wrong with planning a Thanksgiving feast at your house as well…and having a Christmas tree at Christmas time. Taking the children to go pick out a tree with you and decorate it will also sew together the holidays for children.

No matter what age your children are it is important for them to see that you want to participate in the holidays with them. Obviously, it would be ideal if you can attend holiday functions with the entire family but this is not always realistic. You should, however, make every effort to put aside your differences with your ex and make the attempt.

Take some time in the next week or so to discuss the holiday visitation schedule with your ex. Make some definite plans for each of the holidays because before you know it they will be upon us and as you know, this time of year can be very hectic. Don’t wait until the last minute because this only adds to the confusion. Discuss what days you would like to have them and be flexible because everybody wants the children on these special days. Don’t forget that there may be extended family on both sides that will want to see the children as well. Don’t be selfish about this…remember that it is important for the children to see everyone… make it a point to bring this up with your ex and show your willingness to share the children with the entire family. Your children will benefit from the two of you cooperating with this.

Remember to put your children first. Their stability is so very important. By working together with your ex during this time of year you can create some great memories for the children that will last a lifetime.

Be strong, be loyal and be positive.

Doug