This is the beginning of the holidays and children begin to get excited about the changing of the weather and all the fun things that come along with fall. This is such an important part of the year for children as Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas requires us to gather together with friends and family. Divorce and separation can put a strain on these family functions but it is important to put aside all personal differences and allow our children to enjoy the seasons festivities.

If you have been separated and have a new place of your own that the children can come and visit, it is important to keep your place up with the latest holiday decor. It seems like such a simple thing but it can help the children adjust knowing that everyone is participating in these festivities at the same time. Take the time to carve another pumpkin at your house with the children during Halloween. This will create a positive memory for everyone and will show them that they can count on you for these simple holiday traditions; this also provides for greater stability knowing that you took the time to do something special with them. The same thing applies with Thanksgiving and Christmas…there is nothing wrong with planning a Thanksgiving feast at your house as well…and having a Christmas tree at Christmas time. Taking the children to go pick out a tree with you and decorate it will also sew together the holidays for children.

No matter what age your children are it is important for them to see that you want to participate in the holidays with them. Obviously, it would be ideal if you can attend holiday functions with the entire family but this is not always realistic. You should, however, make every effort to put aside your differences with your ex and make the attempt.

Take some time in the next week or so to discuss the holiday visitation schedule with your ex. Make some definite plans for each of the holidays because before you know it they will be upon us and as you know, this time of year can be very hectic. Don’t wait until the last minute because this only adds to the confusion. Discuss what days you would like to have them and be flexible because everybody wants the children on these special days. Don’t forget that there may be extended family on both sides that will want to see the children as well. Don’t be selfish about this…remember that it is important for the children to see everyone… make it a point to bring this up with your ex and show your willingness to share the children with the entire family. Your children will benefit from the two of you cooperating with this.

Remember to put your children first. Their stability is so very important. By working together with your ex during this time of year you can create some great memories for the children that will last a lifetime.

Be strong, be loyal and be positive.

Doug